Archives for the month of: June, 2013

Dear Vladimir Putin,

I keep hoping that someone important is going to change Article 2 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights. This article states that ”Everyoneis entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration”. It doesn’t matter what race, color, sex, language and so on you are a part of, these are your rights. I would love to have the word “sexuality” included in that list or at least mentioned somewhere in this Declaration.

I know that you are a very important person, but I guess you’re not the person to ask, since you’ve been making some radical changes yourself. Are you really serious with this new legislation on homosexuality? Protecting minors from “homosexual propaganda”. I know that it went through with 364 votes against 0, but agreeing to something like this: sending someone to prison – that is taking away their freedom – for 14 days for talking out loud about homosexuality. So does that mean that if I ever make it to Russia, I’ll have to make sure not to tell a woman that she looks beautiful in that dress or whatever, even if she does, and even if I have no attention of sleeping with her?

Vladimir, you do know that the ancient Greeks are notorious for having had (a whole lot of) same-sex-sex, right? Men had sex with (young) men, and women had sex with women (we just never hear about it). It didn’t matter if the participants were male or female, the roles they played in the act were much more important. We’re talking 2500 years ago-ish… when did it all go wrong? Maybe the head of your Russian Orthodox Church can answer part of that. I remember reading that he finds all the gay marriages in the Western world “a dangerous sign of the coming Apocalypse”. And here I thought, he was a happy man with all the pro-church legislation you’re getting through. Moving on…

I always say this when I have to convince people about homosexuality being a natural thing: 1500 animal species have same-sex-sex… in Russia, too. It might sound silly, but hey, we are animals, and if that doesn’t make it natural then I really don’t know what to tell you.

What I do hope somebody makes sure to tell you, is what this law is doing to an already marginalized part of your people (your people!). You voted this anti-homo-propaganda legislation through, but in the process it seems you legalized hate-crimes of the sort that I can hardly comprehend. You can even find them on Vkontakte, Russian facebook, which means that you actually have the names and faces of at least some of these criminals. I don’t even know if you call them criminals anymore because the police isn’t doing anything about it.

I’ve read some awful, awful stories from your country, Vladimir. Completely inhuman hate-crime abuse of completely defenseless people. I don’t understand why it has to be like this. I know that a word is missing in Article 2 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but Article 1 states: “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” You need to understand and respect that.

Yours sincerely,

Karen Sundtoft, Copenhagen, Denmark

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Dear Pope Frans,

I guess it’s appropriate to say congratulations. Congratulations. Especially with being part of one of the last places in the Western World that celebrates old age. Love that. Also, I love that your favorite cause is social inequality, and your favorite movie is the Danish ”Babette’s Feast”. I’m all there.

Pave Fransk_0But dear Frans it appears that you are a nice man… it’s just that I had really hoped for you to be a man where the words ”conservative values” were less important… especially considering the subjects: homosexuality, contraception and artificial insemination…not to mention women in the Vatican.  That maybe you would think, “it’s 2013, let’s see if we can make some new friends around the world”.

’Cause you know what, Frans?  Some of the most sexually repressed people I know are Catholic. Okay, I don’t know any Afghan women, and it’s not as if things are great in India when it comes to sexual repression… but I’ll tell you, I know some really crazy stories about Catholic women and men in Western countries.

And seriously, Frans, you yourself are standing in the middle of the most obvious example of what I would say is the direct consequence of sexual repression: the unforgivable incidences of sexual abuse that the Catholic Church has ignored… for crying out loud, Frans! Can’t you see it? It’s all connected… and it all boils down to you embracing sexuality as the unavoidable part of every human being.

My dad has always said that if there is a God – and if it’s a “he”, his toes must be extremely curled with embarrassment from all the things he has to put his name to. I was kind of hoping that you’d come along and help curl out his toes… will you?

Fingers crossed!

Karen

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My First Tantric Massage

Posted on dodsonandross.com 10/12/11 by The Intern/Karen Sundtoft

Three months ago I told Carlin that I had bought two and a half hours of tantric massage, and I was going to blog about it. There were no available times until October so of course I forgot.
Until two days ago… when I had just gotten my period… great!

tantric-massage-london-similar1_0I try phoning the place but can’t get through. I end up going as scheduled, hoping he’ll go through with it, since the days of my period make me even more sexually responsive. The “he” in this little story is Bille, the owner of the clinic I’m in. He is fine with it as long as I’m not at the top of my bleeding.

We sit down and talk a little about what a tantra massage is, and why I’ve come. He reassures me that there’s nothing to be nervous about, that it’s very normal to have butterflies and I just need to try to relax. Suddenly I feel a little abnormal for not having butterflies in my stomach… Then Bille tells me the most important thing of it all: ”Try keeping your mind on the pressure I’m putting on your body. If you let your thoughts run, you’re going to miss the entire experience.” He’s right… in my mind I’m already writing the blog… I need to focus!

After removing my tampon and feeling a little anxious about bleeding on the white sheets, I’m left alone in the room with the massage couch. I undress and get comfortable on the couch lying on my stomach with a sheet over me. The couch has a heater in it and there’s soft, meditative music playing. I’m already pretty relaxed!

Bille enters the room and asks me if I’m comfortable “Very much so”. He then removes the sheet I have over me and varm towels are places all over my body. Every time Bille moves, he makes sure to let a hand on my body tell me where he is. Even though I’m relaxed, I keep recalling his words of “no running thoughts”… stop blogging!

Again the sheet is covering my body but removed from one of my legs. Warm oil is poured over me… it feels so very nice. Then the massage starts. First on my cap, then moving up to my thigh and here comes the first thing that makes this a full body massage… literally. Bille’s hands massage my inner thigh all the way up which means that he actually touches my outer labia. It feels great and I ignore the thoughts of “shouldn’t this be a lover’s job…?”.

Then it’s time for my buttocks to be massaged, and my butt hole is not going to be left out. Bille only slides his hands over it, but it’s such an underestimated place to be touched and I’m even more relaxed… still, there are thoughts that need to be ignored!

My back, my arms, and my fingers are next and get covered in the warm oil. Then comes the hardest part which is turning my body so I’m on my back. I get a blanket under my head and yes thank you, I’m very comfortable.

Now on my back the sheet is folded down and exposes my Venus. I get a little concerned about having my breasts massaged since that’s normally my “Okay, I’m turned on now”-button. But I forget all about that when Bille starts on my stomach. So many, so very receptive parts around my hips and lower stomach. Afterwards the breast massage is just pleasurable.

The front of my legs is massaged and the sheet is on again. Bille asks me if I want to continue. Yes, please. He starts on my stomach and then moves down. I actually think that he’s going to go straight for massaging my vagina, but no. I think: “Oh, he’s lost”… but no, not really. He uses his thumb and index finger to massage my outer labia, then my inner. I don’t feel turned on, though it’s a nice spot for a massage… but then comes the massaging of my vagina… and yes, now I’m turned on.

Or maybe ‘turned on’ isn’t the word. It’s another kind of turned on than had I been with a guy and intercourse had been coming. I have to say that Bille knows his spots, and yes, I’m overly relaxed and sensitive. An orgasm is making its way through right away…

And then the thoughts come. So does this mean that I’m paying this very friendly man to make me come? I can’t help but think that this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to prostitution!? The approaching orgasm vanishes in pure insult over being an accomplice… I decide that having an orgasm is not an option!

Bille – who has definitely felt something coming – tells me to breathe in deeply: “All the way to your stomach.” The fact, that I can tell from his voice that he’s not turned on, makes it all more legal… which is probably one of the reasons why the “orgasm is not an option” is not an option. Too many nice spots are massaged here!

I come in the most relaxed orgasm I’ve ever had. It’s not a through the roof orgasm, but my entire body is in it and no tension has been building this up! Betty would be proud! Then suddenly I find it all very comic… just having come out loud in the company of a complete stranger (well…). I start laughing out loud which then instantly turns into tears!? I’m so relaxed and so touched (oh yes..) that tears start pouring out of my eyes and into the blindfold. My first crygasm!!

I instantly think of Mariza Black in the latest Bodysex Group! I couldn’t stop crying when she had her crygasm! Bille puts a hand on my upper chest and that’s just what I need. I put my hands on his and slowly the tears stop.

Then I get to relax a little longer by myself and take my time finding my way out of the room. Taking off the wet blindfold, I’m blinded by the dim lights. I breathe in and smile… what a trip!

Afterwards Bille and I sit down again to talk, and I’m told to drink a lot of water and expect a reaction from this during the next couple of days. It can be anything from crying to being more energetic, having great sex or leaving your boy/girlfriend…

I thank Bille and head out the door with a smile, but as I get on my bike and take off, the so very twisted feeling of guilt and shame appears… a feeling that I rarely meet anymore. I forgive myself since after all I’ve compared this to an odd form of prostitution… the closest I’ll ever get to paying for sex…

Still, the feeling sticks with me and it stays there… until I have to pee. As I sit down and relax, the feeling of satisfaction and truly being relaxed is so overwhelming that my shame vanishes…

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The Genius of the Menstrual Cup

I had totally forgotten that I had one in the back of my messy drawer – a menstrual cup. I would have left it in my drawer if it hadn’t been for an article in the Danish newspaper, Politiken, with the headline: Menstrual Cups are So Genius that You Won’t Believe It.

I read the article and took it as a hint since I actually have my period right now. Into the drawer after the cup, into the bathroom and (typically me) without reading any instructions I tried to insert the cup… which was kind of painful until I told myself to relax and got it up there. And are you kidding me I couldn’t feel it at all…it was so comfortable.

Then afterwards I read the instructions and found out that you don’t need to worry about the little “string” at the bottom of the cup. It’s not a funnel with a hole through it; the “string” is for pulling the cup out (of course). Another thing was how to insert the cup. You’re supposed to press the cup together like a “c” and then insert it. I guess it’s different from woman to woman what works the best, but in my case if I press it together too much it’s not going to be comfortable.

There are so many advantages from using this cup:

– there’s no bleeding through your clothes; the cup won’t let anything through – unless you “flood it” (just remember to empty it and pop it back in on heavy days)

– there are no allergy alerts because the cup is made of silicone.

– I read a blog stating that women who are likely to get the yeast infection from using tampons have to worry no more when using the cup

– the last and very important thing is the environmental advantage. Tampons and sanitary towels create a whole lot of trash and women still have a tendency to through these things into the toilet and block it.

So yes, it’s genius. I highly recommend it because I love mine.

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Liberating Female Sexuality the Ugandan Way

I watched a great documentary tonight: Sexy Uganda, made by the Dutch woman, Sunny Bergman.

The documentary starts out in Holland where Bergman is inspired by a group of Ugandan women who talk about sex education. One of the first scenes is this big black Ugandan woman who is describing how she has sex with her man. One of the women says, “Show us”, and the woman gets on the floor and starts showing how she moves while having sex. Great! You’d never get a Danish woman to do a sex dance on the floor. Especially not with cameras rolling and a whole group of people watching! I loved it!

So Bergman goes to Uganda to see what makes these women so liberated about their sexuality.

I have to tell you right away that in Uganda women pull their inner labia to make them longer! No, I didn’t misspell anything or get it wrong, women are taught to pull their inner labia, because the bigger the labia, the bigger the pleasure! I wish I could have watched this documentary with Betty and Carlin; Betty would have been jumping around the room.

ugandaIn Uganda having sex, or more exactly having great sex, is a concern to the whole family. It’s actually shameful to the family if the couple’s sex life isn’t working. That’s why the woman gets a sex educator who traditionally is the woman’s father’s sister… She’s called “Ssenga” and is suppose to educate the woman about pulling her labia and having sex with her man. It’s not only the women who have an educator; the men are educated by an uncle whom they call “Kojja”.

Bergman meets up with a professional Ssenga who tells Bergman about having sex. How you roll your hips and lift your butt to orgasm. The Ssenga also takes a look at Bergman’s labia and of course Bergman really needs to start pulling her inner lips. Bergman tells the Ssenga how some Western women have their labia cut off. I loved the look on the Ssenga’s face when she asked: “Why?”

Another thing the Ssenga tells Bergman is how friends can pull each other’s labia. However, it’s okay to get wet and even to orgasm, but you can only pull the labia. No fingering each other or anything like that. Unfortunately the limiting comes from homosexuality being a huge taboo in Uganda. It’s even discussed whether there should be a law that allows execution of homosexuals.

And here comes the saddest part. White missionaries brought this to Uganda. Before they came, nobody said anything about same sex relationships. Two men living together could even be considered holy men.

White men or not, some of the women tell Bergman about going to Catholic School. Even putting religion down on the Ugandans couldn’t prevent tradition. The women explain how the nuns at the school pulled the girls’ labia and how these young girls found this so pleasurable that they would ask for more.

So what’s my point of posting this?

It’s so important to know that our Western ways are not the only way. When it comes to sexuality we’ve f’ed so much, and we keep on feeding it. In all other aspects of life we ask for variation, color, nuance, originality… so where did this stereotype of a sexual person come from? Even in my liberated little country, Denmark, our young people don’t know the most elementary things when it comes to sex, but they know what tea-bagging is…I rest my case…to go stretch my inner labia.

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My Bodysex Group for One

I had a session with Betty Tuesday. So Great! Most of all because I got to see ”the real Betty”. Betty was definitely in her element.

Stepping into Betty’s hall felt like I’m stepping into the history of her life. One of my assignments here has been to copy edit Betty’s Memoir, so I feel like I know a big part of Betty’s history really well, pretty much by heart. Betty thinks it’s so funny that she can’t tell me anything without me coming up with a reference to the book. I almost went crazy over it at one point, but now My Romantic Love Wars is done and online.

bodysex for oneEverybody should read Betty’s memoir. What a life this woman has had…still has…she’s going on 83 but Betty doesn’t walk…she marches with her back straight…and still she doesn’t understand why nobody’s asking to help an old lady. What old lady?

Where was I? So it’s something special to be in Betty’s apartment. Just standing in the hall looking at the 15 hooks on the wall where the participants of who knows how many bodysex groups hung their clothes before they stepped into the living room in the nude is exhilarating.

To make room for the bodysex groups, Betty emptied her living room back in the mid 70s. There’s lots of space in the room, but Tuesday a massage table was put up in the middle of it, and a big towel was spread out on the floor and pillows were put up for back comfort. On a tray next to the towel were several vibrators, LOTS OF LUBE, napkins and of course the must-have, Betty’s Barbell. I didn’t feel nervous, but I sure did feel excited!

After having chatted a little, Betty told me to take off my clothes and put on a sweatshirt and socks that were put out for me. So there I was in sweatshirt and socks and nothing else. Time for “The Genital Show and Tell”. YAY! I sat down on the towel next to Betty and put one leg over her leg and spread the other one to the side. Then Betty placed the lamp in front of my vulva and then the makeup mirror. Ooooh… I’ve looked at my vulva lots of times and have no complaints, but I have to admit that I never did it with both hands free. You have to do that. Betty’s right. Having both your hands free to touch and move your labia around is great. I actually felt like I was looking at my vulva for the first time.

Betty explained that the genital show and tell is probably the most healing part of the entire session. It’s horrible how many women out there walk around thinking they are deformed, that something’s wrong between their legs. Before coming to New York, I volunteered at a chat for teenage girls in Denmark. Too many teenage girls think that something’s wrong with their vulvas. I remember one girl who kept telling me how everybody commented on how beautiful she was, but she felt so much shame about it because she was so ugly between her legs, and if they had known that, they would never have told her she was beautiful. It makes me so sad that a young girl’s self-esteem has to suffer for no reason.

Back on the towel, I was shown how to do a vulva massage and how to strengthen and work my pelvic floor muscle. “Squeeze release, squeeze release…” I was also given an overview of all the things between my legs, inside and outside, with drawings of the inside. Did you know that women actually have two sponges (the urethral and the perineum)? Why haven’t I seen a drawing with those two sponges before?

I had to know what style I was, and Betty told me that I have a classical vulva. Also we decided to call it Little Kat until something better came along. It was really a nice experience and I can (totally) see how that is liberating to a woman who feels shame about her genitals. Love it love it!

After the genital show and tell I went up on the massage table. Betty’s so nice. She really makes you feel relaxed and very beautiful, so I didn’t feel nervous even then. I started out with Betty’s Barbell and the Mystic Wand, doing the rock’n’roll technique. Betty found out fast that I’ve been arching my back and by that exposed my clit too much, so now I learned to place my feet firmly on the “ground” and NOT arch my back (that is going to take some getting used to). I loooooove the barbell, but I’m a holding-the-vibrator-low-on-my-clit-kind-of-girl, so the mystic wand is really too big.

Still, that was okay because we (I keep wanting to write we… because I feel like Betty and I were in it together… which we were) were practicing different things and I was rocking and squeezing and relaxing. Then I got the swiss vibrator, which was nice, but my head started spinning. Suddenly I really wanted to come. Like some teenage girl who really wants to come for her boyfriend, I suddenly really wanted to come for Betty. She said that we had been on my clit for so long that it was numb. She reminded my that this was not a race – that I needed to enjoy the good feelings rocking and vibrating were giving me. I do know that…and still, I really wanted to come.

After a while, Betty gave me what I needed. The HITACHI OMG!!!! I actually had the chance to try it once before, but I was sure it would be too powerful, so I chose the Mystic Wand instead. No no no…every woman has to have the Hitachi. Those were by far the best vibrations I’ve ever had. So finally after 3 hours of genital show and tell, vulva massage, pelvic muscle exercises, rock’n’rolling, the barbell and three different vibrators… I came in the longest lasting orgasm of my life. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I thought I was going to go through the roof!!

Afterwards Betty took me through all my chakras and said some very important things to me that I’m determined to follow. I won’t tell you what is was… you’ll have to get your own session with your own words of wisdom.

Before the session, I actually thought I was getting a yeast infection. I have a feeling that I wasn’t nervous, but my pussy was…!? I asked Carlin what to do because that wouldn’t be all that nice for Betty. Carlin wrote me: “I don’t think there’s a pussy in the world that would offend her”… she was right and Betty actually seemed a little disappointed when it turned out that nothing was wrong… okay, maybe not.

One thing is for sure, though. Betty knows a whole lot about women and their sexuality. I can’t help but think that there are things she knows about me that I don’t even know myself.

I learned a whole lot of things about me, my body, my vulva, and my orgasms. I had a HUGH orgasm that left me satisfied between my legs like never before… I’m not kidding. I felt so peaceful afterwards that I floated out the door and down the street.

Det var rigtig fint, at en gruppe jordemødre og Politiken d. 6. juni mindede os om, at der findes et ord, der hedder jomfruhinde, men der findes ingen jomfruhinde.

Det er en af de myter, vi alle er vokset op med, og derfor har man regnet med, at det var faktum. Hvis man så ikke blødte, første gang man havde sex, fik man at vide, at ens jomfruhinde nok var sprængt for længe siden. Sådan var det.

Det er faktisk ikke længe siden, at jeg selv lærte, at der ikke er noget, der hedder en jomfruhinde. Nej, det vi kalder jomfruhinden, er i virkeligheden en slimhinderand rundt i skedeåbningen, men den har ikke noget med en hinde at gøre, og derfor giver det mening at skifte ud og i stedet tale om en kønskrans – så kunne det være, at vi også endelig kunne lære at sige kønslæber, ikke skam! De læber har intet med skam at gøre!

Nu spørger du måske, hvordan det så kan være, at nogle kvinder bløder, hvis de har sex med en mand første gang. Artiklen forklarer, at det faktisk kun er hver femte kvinde, der bløder, og det blod kommer fra de små rifter det giver, hvis kvinden ikke er våd nok først.

Samme problem har de kvinder, der skal kunne levere blod på lagenet efter den første nat i ægtesengen. De kan få lavet en ny jomfruhinde, men det er heller ikke en jomfruhinde… det er derimod en lille syning i skeden, der brister og derved river hul i slimhinden, når hun dyrker sex efterfølgende… åh, traditioner!

Nogle af jer kender måske også kvinder, der har været nødt til at få foretaget et kirurgisk indgreb for at kunne have sex og menstruere, fordi deres “jomfruhinde” var for sej. Men den hinde, der i den forbindelse spærrer indgangen til skeden, har heller ikke noget med en jomfruhinde at gøre. Det er en lille misdannelse, og den skal bare brydes, så er alt godt.

Så slut med at tro, at sex første gang gør ondt, fordi der er en hinde i vejen. Det gør ondt, fordi man er nervøs, ikke bliver våd nok og aldrig har prøvet det før. Længere er den ikke.

Så velkommen til kønskrans og farvel til jomfruhinde. Måske det kan betyde, at der er flere kvinder i verden, der slipper for at stikke sig selv i fingeren for at få de famøse blodpletter til lagenet… men der går nok lige lidt tid.

Ved I, hvad der er sexet? Ved I, hvad der er über møg-sexet? Mænd med termostat på egoet! Mænd, der kan skrue ned for ego-heden, når det er det, der er brug for. 

egoJojo, det er da farligt frækt med ego… hvis altså, der er noget at have det i – det varierer så heldigvis fra menneske til menneske, hvad man mener, der skal være til stede for at berettige et stort ego !

 

Jeg har lige fået en ny ven. Han fortalte mig, at dengang han var ny ud i det der sex, havde han et bestemt – lad os kalde det et ”ritual” – når han var på vej hjem med et stk. dejlig kvinde: Betingelsen, for at de to skulle være sammen, var, at hun skulle lære ham noget.

Den slags er sød musik i mine ører. For hvor genialt er det lige… hvor ENKELT er det lige! Vi tager hjem til mig… har det super skønt, og vi ender begge med at lære en masse, fordi den ene stillede det lille krav. Oveni giver det en hel anden slags sex. Det gør det, fordi den ene part (min ven) har været så klog at indrømme, at han ikke ved alt. Hans ego kommanderede ham ikke til at tage med hende hjem og så forestille at være supermand, der ved alt og lige klarer sagerne.

Det betyder ikke, at han ikke stadigvæk kan skrue op for termostaten og være stor farlig mand, der kaster sig over lille hjælpeløs kæreste – hvis man er til den slags. Hvis han kan finde ud af at skrue ned for sit ego, vil jeg påstå, at hans fornemmelse af, hvor kæresten er, er meget bedre… for han har ikke samme fokus på sin egen præstation.

Et godt eksempel på at skrue ned for egoet er netop kommunikation i sengen. Og nej nej, de fleste synes, det er farligt utiltalende at tale under sex – med mindre det er frække sager, der sendes videre. Det viser sig dog ofte, at de udtaler sig om noget, de ikke har prøvet endnu. For nej, det skal ikke være lange taler, men hvis du tør skrue ned for dit ego og spørge om noget, du faktisk ikke har styr på, så udstiller det dig IKKE som en uvidende idiot! Tværtimod!

Og så lige den, der gør ondt: Det kan ofte være konsekvenserne af et dårligt selvværd eller alt for meget porno-kiggeri, når du har brug for så meget bekræftelse af, hvor fantastisk det er, når du lige ordner kæresten. Tro mig! Din kæreste får hovedpine på et tidspunkt…

Så mit råd er: find din bekræftelse ved at blive ekspert i netop den kæreste/hyggeven du er sammen med nu – i stedet for at insistere på, at du allerede har styr på det hele. Du får aldrig nogensinde styr på det hele… og det er jo netop det, der er så fedt: der bliver ved med at være nyt at lære! Men du bliver KUN ekspert ved at turde stille spørgsmål… også selvom der allerede er gået 10-20-30 år, og I da har klaret jer fint uden. Hvem gider ”fint”? Varier nu bare temperaturen på ego-termostaten engang imellem og opdag, hvor godt det virker!

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