Archives for category: Nyt på sexserious.com

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“Jeg kan virkelig sætte mig ind i frustrationen over at brænde for et emne, som så hurtigt bare bliver afvist som lummert. Dybt frustrerende! Man kan afvise James Giles’s bog med “det ved jeg allerede”, men man kan også åbne ørerne, lære noget og støtte mere forskning inden for emnerne seksualitet og sex.”

Ovenstående blev min kommentar til en artikel i Information forleden om Professor James Giles’s arbejde på Roskilde Universitet.

Nu står den skrevet her, for jeg må se at få fortalt jer sexserious-læsere, der stadigvæk hænger i, hvad jeg laver nu.

Jeg er blevet medejer af Alor.dk, og Alor.dk sælger sexlegetøj.

For de fleste har responsen været, at det da var et meget naturligt skridt, og der har heldigvis været langt flere positive kommentarer fra folk, der slet ikke kan se, what the fuss would be.

Jeg har (selvfølgelig eller ej) været mest bange for, at der ville være beskyldninger om at “sælge ud” – ikke, at jeg helt kan se, hvordan jeg skulle sælge ud. Der har været en enkelt – som satte gang i frygten – men det er måske lige til at leve med.

Ellers er der kun to negative grupper:

Mennesker, der ikke kender mig og ikke har hørt om mit arbejde med Alor direkte fra mig selv. En kommentar kunne være den meget negative udgave af: “det siger noget om, hvad hun er for en.” Jeg ville virkelig gerne høre, hvad det er “for en”, jeg er?

Og så er mine forældre jo bare så stolte…. NOT! Nej, det ville være synd at sige. Min mor er ved at blive mere cool omkring det. Hun vil i det mindste gerne forsøge at forstå og tager “det er en generationsting” til sig. Min far – not so much, men det kan jeg naturligvis ikke planlægge mit liv efter.

Mig og mine lange blogs.

Tilbage står alle de positive, og det er her, jeg finder min energi, for det ER noget andet med Alor.dk, og jeg har helt sikkert ikke fundet min plads helt endnu.

Her på sexserious har jeg ikke tænkt på, hvad I gerne ville læse – okay jo, men det har været på en anden måde. Jeg har skrevet, hvad jeg gerne ville skrive, og det har jeg tænkt mig at blive ved med, meeeeeeeen nu er det nødt til at blandes med, hvad brugerne af Alor.dk klikker på. It’s all about the clicks today.

Så jeg har været vidt omkring. Jeg har forsøgt at skrive mine sædvanlige blogs blandet med anmeldelser og guides, og jeg har forsøgt at forfine det, som alle klikker på – 5 gode råd til, hvordan du bedst piller dig i navlen.

For jeg kan jo ligeså indrømme det. Det er også det, jeg ofte selv klikker på. Det er hurtigt og letlæseligt – MEN HOLD NU OP, hvor er det også bare dårligt ofte. Det er nok her, jeg forsøger at forfine. Eller jeg forsøger i hvert fald at give noget, der faktisk er læsværdigt, og som jeg vil mene, de fleste kan lære noget af – og som jeg kan lide at skrive.

Men jeg har det sædvanlige problem – som jeg er godt i gang med at bevise lige nu også – JEG SKRIVER VERDENS LÆNGSTE BLOGS, and nobody cares to read that much. Eller jo, jeg ved, at jeg har en god fast kerne – men flertallet synes, det er ALT for langt – og især for langt, hvis jeg bare skal anmelde et produkt.

Det burde være luksus at have så meget på hjerte – så hvad gør jeg så…?

Det var et spørgsmål! Hjælp – jeg har ikke fundet svaret endnu.

En partner til mig?

Som jeg sidder her foran computeren og skriver (laaaaaaang blog) sker der rigtig mange spændende tiltag, og et af dem ender forhåbentlig ud i det, jeg har ønsket mig i efterhånden mange år : en partner til mig! For hulan, hvor kunne det bare være overordentligt supergodt!

En at spille bold op af i stedet for konstant at sidde her og holde mig selv fra at falde i søvn oveni tasterne. We were not created for sitting alone in front of a computer all day. I hvert fald ikke mig!

For der er en ting, der ligger mig meget på sinde, og som min partner i Alor og jeg er rørende enige om. Langt de fleste danskere er ikke klar til sexlegetøj lige ind i dagligstuen – og det skal vi respektere. Så hvis jeg skal kunne færdes over alt og læses af alle og enhver, så skal jeg (som jeg engang sagde i en video) ikke sidde og anmelde store sorte dildoer.

Mindre kunne også gøre det, men ikke engang det skal jeg.

Så kan man begynde med “hvorfor står du ikke ved det” og “du kan jo ikke engang lide sexlegetøj så”. Hvis du så, hvor meget sexlegetøj der ligger rundt i hele min lejlighed, så ville du ikke sige sådan. Jeg har altid haft en hele kasse af legetøj, og nu afprøver jeg jo så nye ting, men alle, der har sexlegetøj derhjemme, ved, at man bruger måske sine 2-3 favoritter ofte – ikke mere.

Det er et spørgsmål om at komme ud til alle, for seksualitet, sex og sexlegetøj er for alle, så jeg vil gerne kunne stå ude i alles dagligstue, UDEN at det giver akavet rykken rundt i sofaen.

Så er spørgsmålet bare, hvordan man kommer til at stå der?

Nu er den her blog ved at være laaaaaaang.

Jeg ved ikke, hvor meget mere jeg lige skal skrive. Jeg kan jo blive ved. Jeg ville mere være interesseret i at høre, hvad I tænker. Husk, at man kan smide en anonym kommentar herunder.

Jeg har aldrig tænkt, at jeg skulle sælge sexlegetøj, men jeg vil på den anden side ikke undvære mine 3 yndlingsting for noget – skal nok få fortalt, hvad de 3 er, men jeg mangler 2 af dem lige nu – for at det ikke skal være løgn – og den 3. har fået en ny producent, som desværre ikke gør det så godt som den gamle – en klassiker desværre!

Når alt kommer til alt, vil jeg bare så gerne gøre os bedre i stand til at tale om det emne, som fylder så meget – om vi vil eller ej – hos os alle sammen. Det er ikke til at komme udenom.

Og jeg føler mig så vanvittig priviligeret i det her: jeg får de vildeste historier fra folk. Historier fra de var teenagere, eller hvad ved jeg, som de aldrig har fortalt andre før. Virkelig mange hemmeligheder, som jeg vogter over med alt, hvad jeg har. Jeg ville bare virkelig ønske, at de hemmeligheder kunne holde op med at være så hemmelige – for hver gang én åbner munden, åbner én til munden, og der ligger en frihed uden lige netop dér!

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Hvis jeg skulle vælge et ‘yndlingsemne’ inden for seksualitet, så skulle det være onani! Et emne, der ikke bliver talt meget om. Til gengæld har der været talt rigtig meget om ensomhed – vigtigt vigtigt emne – og i den forbindelse kom jeg i tanke om en veninde, der engang fortalte mig, at onani godt kunne få hende til at føle sig ensom. Det gav virkelig noget at tænke over.

Så jeg spurgte hende igen. Hvad var det nu egentlig lige, hun havde sagt:

“Mm… ja – jeg har nogle tanker omkring det, at man når man fantaserer kommer til at have mænd i hovedet, som man har elsket før – så ja lige efter mit sidste breakup forbandt jeg sex med ham, hvorfor det at onanere gjorde, at jeg kom i kontakt med den sorg og tit bare endte med at tude istedet. Det kan jeg stadig godt finde på, men det er heldigvis gået pænt meget over. Så ja – jeg tror man kommer ned i kroppen på en måde, hvor man virkelig er tro mod basale behov – såsom en man savner…” 

Jeg spurgte omkring mig:

“Må jeg lige spørge om noget: føler du dig nogensinde ensom, når du onanerer? Eller kunne ensomhed i en eller anden forstand være grund til, at du ikke onanerer mere, end du gør?”

En ung kvinde svarede:

“Det har jeg ikke tænkt over før. Men det har vel noget at gøre med det. Man onanerer vel netop/bla fordi der ingen andre er i nærheden når man har lyst til at blive rørt”

En anden kunne slet ikke identificere sig med ensomhed i forhold til onani:

“Nej det gør jeg aldrig, tværtimod er det noget jeg tænker som noget godt for mig selv – min egen massage til mig selv. Når jeg får regelmæssig sex onanerer jeg ikke, gør det fx aldrig når jeg er i et parforhold. 
Jeg har ikke behovet, det opstår kun hvis jeg ikke har fået sex i virkelig lang tid. Sjovt så forskellige vi er skruet sammen”

Og så var der hende, der er i et forhold og aldrig føler sig ensom – selvom det helt sikkert er muligt i et forhold! Så jeg gravede lidt og spurgte til, hvordan det var, før hun var i det her forhold. Og så skete der noget. Man kunne tydeligt se, at de minder lå begravet langt væk – af gode grunde.

“Ah jo, det er selvfølgelig rigtigt. Jo, da kunne jeg godt føle mig ensom, når der var tale om den slags…”

Hos en ung mand blev det straks mere konkret. I hvert fald hos den første, for han svarede nærmest med det samme – han må have tænkt over det før:

“Ja, men ikke i øjeblikket hvor man er igang. Det er altid bagefter når man sidder der helt alene…”

En anden ung mand svarede lidt af det sammen, men hev et andet vigtigt ord ind. Måske et mere præcist ord for, hvad man kan føle i forbindelse med onani:

“Nu er det meget lidt tid jeg har brugt på den slags det sidste års tid, som om der hele tiden har været noget andet. Men kan sagtens følge ensomhedsfølelsen. Mærker det måske mere som en tomhedsfølelse. Giver det mening?”

Jo tak, så vældig meget mening!

Og så var der der endnu en god kommentar fra en tredje ung mand, der lige vendte det hele på hovedet: “Jeg har mere prøvet, at jeg giver mig til at onanere, fordi jeg føler mig ensom.”

Så her bliver ensomhedsfølelsen årsag i stedet for omvendt. Jeg har ikke fået to svar, der var ens!

Et par andre mænd nævnte mere skylden over at onanere, når man er i et forhold. Ingen ensomhed – men det hænger til gengæld så vældig godt sammen med kvinden tidligere citeret: at et forhold netop holder ensomheden ude. Til gengæld er det så muligt at få dårlig samvittighed – hmm… interessant. Her var noget at rode videre i!

En ting er i hvert fald sikkert. Onani er et farligt emne for de fleste (jeg hinter ikke til dem ovenfor – de svarer på, hvad jeg spørger om). Et farligt emne, fordi man ligger der alene og rører ved de ‘allerfarligste steder’ på sin krop – og tænker på – ja, på hvem og hvad? Allerede der bliver det mere farligt for andre – en kæreste måske – at vide noget om. Et ukontrollabelt sted, hvor man ikke kan holde styr på den anden, fordi man ikke kan styre andres tanker. Men husk lige, hvem det handler om. Dig! Ikke kæresten.

Jeg ville gerne kunne skrive en hel masse fine ord, der slettede den her ensomhed, tomhed eller samvittighedskvalerne, men det er netop manglen på ord, der kan gøre onani til et tomt sted, så TAL OM DET ville være meget rart at kunne råbe ud, men jeg nøjes med at sende det ud som en opfordring.

alor

Sexserious.com er blevet kontaktet af alor.dk, der sælger sexgadgets på nettet. De har bedt om at få anmeldt nogle af deres produkter, og den udfordring tager jeg gerne imod. De har nemlig den rette indstilling på alor.dk, hvilket passer rigtig godt ind her på sexserious.com. Og I skal da være med til at vælge produkterne, der skal anmeldes, kære læsere.

For at have det på plads først så modtager jeg ingen penge fra alor.dk. De sender mig de produkter, I vælger at få anmeldt, og jeg har frie hænder til at bedømme produkterne uden, at der bliver tale om en betalt anmeldelse. Kan jeg ikke lide produktet, så er det sådan, det er. Vær sikre på det!

På alor.dk er der produkter til hende, ham og par. Jeg anmelder alle tre slags. Mange produkter går igen på de tre sider, men jeg synes, det er skønt, at der ikke er side på side med hundredevis af produkter. Det er helt unødvendigt og helt uoverskueligt.

Så hop ind på alor.dk og find, hvad du overvejer at købe og derfor gerne vil have anmeldt. Du kan skrive en besked i kommentarfeltet herunder – gerne med et link til produktet. Dette kan du gøre anonymt (bare skriv en falsk mailadresse og et andet navn). Du kan også skrive i indbakken på sexserious.com’s facebookside. Jeg holder alle navne for mig selv.

PS: der er også en fetish-del på alor.dk. Den har to piske som indhold, hvilket er populært, men der er jeg stået af, så det må I selv stå for at anmelde. God fornøjelse.

Lige nu diskuterer Betty og Carlin. Det gør de ofte. Imens bliver jeg klogere på alle deres ord. Og jeg får lov at sidde på min gamle plads foran min computer, mens de sidder på deres sædvanlige med deres. Det er næsten to år siden, jeg gjorde det sidst. Fucking FAB, altså!

Da jeg kom op fra perronen på Penn Station i går aftes, tænkte jeg: nej, du giver dig simpelthen ikke til at tude altså! Men så kom jeg ud fra Madison Square Garden; New York rejste sig over mig, og jeg fældede en lille tåre.

Det er fantastisk at være tilbage. Jeg kan ikke altid følge alle de ting, Betty  og Carlin gør, i forhold til det jeg selv gør, men at sidde dér i Bettys lejlighed igen og tale løs om det, der betyder noget – sex ed(ucation) – er bare alt for skønt.

orgasm

hun har jo slet ikke styr på noget, hende der. Mandlig orgasme kan fåes på en helt anden og mere ‘mandlig’ måde end at få noget op i røven. Sløjt svar 🙂

Ovenstående er en sms fra en lytter til Tværs på P3, hvor jeg var gæst. Du kan høre programmet her.

Jeg kan rigtig godt lide kritik. Så lærer jeg også noget. Men jeg kan endnu bedre lide konstruktiv kritik og vil helst ikke refereres til som ‘hende der’.

Men du har ret, kære lytter. Det var et sløjt svar. Jeg har generelt alt for travlt med at fortælle mænd, at de skal holde op med at være bange for deres numser – hvilket jeg passende kunne gentage for dig, når du skriver “mere ‘mandlig’ måde”: hvis du tænker, det er mandigt at være bange for at udforske sin numse, så tager du fejl! For ja, du kommer til at kunne lide det – hvis du øver dig – men det er der intet galt i overhovedet.

Tilbage til kritikken:

Det havde været virkelig godt, hvis jeg havde klemt ind, at mænds orgasmer handler om hans hoved – ligesom tilfældet er for kvinder. Det er, når man opnår at kombinere det mentale (hovedet) med det fysiske (det der ender i en udløsning), at der bliver tale om en orgasme – orgasmer, som vil variere i styrke. Min yndlingsdel i det her er, at mænd kan nå derhen, hvis de tager sig mere tid til at have sex – det tager tid at få ikke bare kroppen men også hovedet helt med. Og her er det så, at mænd også pludselig får en virkelig god grund til at gå op i forspil. For det er ligeså vigtigt for dig, kære mand, at være varmet op og nå at være helt med mentalt. Så skal du nok – hvis du øver dig – nå en orgasme. Hvis det skal være vildere, skal du oveni alt det andet have fat i det G-punkt, jeg talte om, og det kan du læse om her.

Tværs

Denne uges Tirsdagsblog kommer lidt tidligt, for jeg var i radioen i Tværs på P3 i går aftes, og det er så absolut Tirsdagsblog-materiale.

Vi starter da lige med et link til artikel og program i Tværs på P3.

Det skal de have på Tværs! De er virkelig tjekkede! Værten, Emil Nørlund, har været gennem hele min blog og tilmed dodsonandross.com oveni. Allerede der føler man sig velkommen, og når det så er skønne Nadia Zinck Thiesen og praktikant, Ida Hinchely, der sidder og producerer og har overblikket – jeg var meget tryg!

Og det gik jo godt. I hvert fald kan jeg konkludere ud fra alle, der har kommenteret på udsendelsen, at om ikke andet så har jeg en god stemme til radio. Det kan sangerinden i mig vældig godt lide at høre! Til gengæld er en kollega på P3 kommet til at slette alle de billeder, der blev taget af mig, så I må nøjes med det sædvanlige billede fra facebook.

Det var ikke mange spørgsmål, vi kunne nå at besvare i programmet, så jeg har fået lov at tage dem med hjem, og i løbet af den her uge vil jeg så tage nogle af spørgsmålene op eller linke til blogge, hvor emnet er i fokus.

Vi starter med en gang kritik, der kom ind.

adults only

Det bliver meget enten eller. Enten tænker jeg: ”Der er virkelig en mening med det her. Hvor er det fantastisk!” Men jeg tænker også ofte: ”Fuck this shit, jeg gider ikke mere!” Det er helt overvældende, hvor mange roser og hvor meget l-o-r-t jeg skal lægge øre til, fordi jeg beskæftiger mig med emnet seksualitet.

For en lille uge siden holdt jeg et foredrag på en højskole. Eleverne sad helt andægtige og lyttede, men jeg kunne slet ikke fornemme, om de var med. Mit bedste bud på det tidspunkt var, at de var med, for de holdt mund, og der kunne blive ”tabe knappenål på gulvet”-stille, når jeg tog bestemte emner op. Jeg var slet ikke i tvivl, da de klappede efter foredraget.

Efterfølgende fik jeg stor ros fra den fantastiske lærer, der havde taget imod mig – hun var også specielt udpeget til opgaven – og fra en fantastisk rektor, der lige har anbefalet mig videre, hvilket allerede giver pote. Tak til dem!

En kvindelig og mandlig elev på skolen kom op og fortalte, hvor godt de syntes, foredraget havde været. Jeg kunne ikke ønske mig mere!

Et par dage efter foredraget stod en veninde og hørte på, da jeg til gengæld måtte stå og forsvare, hvad jeg laver.

Jeg har fået veninden til at gengive det, der blev sagt, men jeg har ikke lyst til at hænge nogen ud, for jeg ved godt, at seksualitet er et privat emne for mange, og derfor er det bare for meget, at jeg sidder og svinger med et par bækkenbundskugler for åben skærm.

Alligevel har jeg brug for at sige, at jeg er noget så træt af mennesker, der ikke selv kan rumme emnet og derfor har brug for at lægge det hele over på mig ved at gøre grin med det hele! Så lad dog være med at tage emnet op! Det er sjovt nok aldrig mig, der tager det op, og det er ikke for sjov, at jeg kalder det Sexuality taken Seriously – sexserious.com. Åbenbart virkelig morsomme titler.

For at hjælpe mig selv har jeg efterhånden grov-kategoriseret verden. Der er lytteren, håneren og praleren.

Lytteren har ikke specielt meget lyst til at bidrage – eller har simpelthen ikke noget at bidrage med – men personen sidder med kæmpe store ører og lytter. Skønt.

Håneren kan tydeligvis ikke rumme sin egen seksualitet og bliver derfor dybt intimideret, men så kan man altid gøre grin med det hele. Knap så skønt.

Praleren lyder værre end personen er. Nogle praler, men ofte vil personen bare gerne bidrage og være med. Helt sikkert! Mere skønt.

Og så… engang hvert andet år møder man en, der faktisk ved noget betimeligt om emnet! Det bliver på det nærmeste mærkedage, og man kan pludselig dele alle sine frustrationer, for personen overfor én har mærket det hele selv.

Så kære verden! Lad være med at tage emnet op, hvis det er svært at kapere, hvad jeg laver, og vend den så lige indad i stedet for at skyde efter mig. Jeg er simpelthen så træt af det.

Dear Vladimir Putin,

I keep hoping that someone important is going to change Article 2 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights. This article states that ”Everyoneis entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration”. It doesn’t matter what race, color, sex, language and so on you are a part of, these are your rights. I would love to have the word “sexuality” included in that list or at least mentioned somewhere in this Declaration.

I know that you are a very important person, but I guess you’re not the person to ask, since you’ve been making some radical changes yourself. Are you really serious with this new legislation on homosexuality? Protecting minors from “homosexual propaganda”. I know that it went through with 364 votes against 0, but agreeing to something like this: sending someone to prison – that is taking away their freedom – for 14 days for talking out loud about homosexuality. So does that mean that if I ever make it to Russia, I’ll have to make sure not to tell a woman that she looks beautiful in that dress or whatever, even if she does, and even if I have no attention of sleeping with her?

Vladimir, you do know that the ancient Greeks are notorious for having had (a whole lot of) same-sex-sex, right? Men had sex with (young) men, and women had sex with women (we just never hear about it). It didn’t matter if the participants were male or female, the roles they played in the act were much more important. We’re talking 2500 years ago-ish… when did it all go wrong? Maybe the head of your Russian Orthodox Church can answer part of that. I remember reading that he finds all the gay marriages in the Western world “a dangerous sign of the coming Apocalypse”. And here I thought, he was a happy man with all the pro-church legislation you’re getting through. Moving on…

I always say this when I have to convince people about homosexuality being a natural thing: 1500 animal species have same-sex-sex… in Russia, too. It might sound silly, but hey, we are animals, and if that doesn’t make it natural then I really don’t know what to tell you.

What I do hope somebody makes sure to tell you, is what this law is doing to an already marginalized part of your people (your people!). You voted this anti-homo-propaganda legislation through, but in the process it seems you legalized hate-crimes of the sort that I can hardly comprehend. You can even find them on Vkontakte, Russian facebook, which means that you actually have the names and faces of at least some of these criminals. I don’t even know if you call them criminals anymore because the police isn’t doing anything about it.

I’ve read some awful, awful stories from your country, Vladimir. Completely inhuman hate-crime abuse of completely defenseless people. I don’t understand why it has to be like this. I know that a word is missing in Article 2 of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights, but Article 1 states: “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.” You need to understand and respect that.

Yours sincerely,

Karen Sundtoft, Copenhagen, Denmark

______________

Dear Pope Frans,

I guess it’s appropriate to say congratulations. Congratulations. Especially with being part of one of the last places in the Western World that celebrates old age. Love that. Also, I love that your favorite cause is social inequality, and your favorite movie is the Danish ”Babette’s Feast”. I’m all there.

Pave Fransk_0But dear Frans it appears that you are a nice man… it’s just that I had really hoped for you to be a man where the words ”conservative values” were less important… especially considering the subjects: homosexuality, contraception and artificial insemination…not to mention women in the Vatican.  That maybe you would think, “it’s 2013, let’s see if we can make some new friends around the world”.

’Cause you know what, Frans?  Some of the most sexually repressed people I know are Catholic. Okay, I don’t know any Afghan women, and it’s not as if things are great in India when it comes to sexual repression… but I’ll tell you, I know some really crazy stories about Catholic women and men in Western countries.

And seriously, Frans, you yourself are standing in the middle of the most obvious example of what I would say is the direct consequence of sexual repression: the unforgivable incidences of sexual abuse that the Catholic Church has ignored… for crying out loud, Frans! Can’t you see it? It’s all connected… and it all boils down to you embracing sexuality as the unavoidable part of every human being.

My dad has always said that if there is a God – and if it’s a “he”, his toes must be extremely curled with embarrassment from all the things he has to put his name to. I was kind of hoping that you’d come along and help curl out his toes… will you?

Fingers crossed!

Karen

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My First Tantric Massage

Posted on dodsonandross.com 10/12/11 by The Intern/Karen Sundtoft

Three months ago I told Carlin that I had bought two and a half hours of tantric massage, and I was going to blog about it. There were no available times until October so of course I forgot.
Until two days ago… when I had just gotten my period… great!

tantric-massage-london-similar1_0I try phoning the place but can’t get through. I end up going as scheduled, hoping he’ll go through with it, since the days of my period make me even more sexually responsive. The “he” in this little story is Bille, the owner of the clinic I’m in. He is fine with it as long as I’m not at the top of my bleeding.

We sit down and talk a little about what a tantra massage is, and why I’ve come. He reassures me that there’s nothing to be nervous about, that it’s very normal to have butterflies and I just need to try to relax. Suddenly I feel a little abnormal for not having butterflies in my stomach… Then Bille tells me the most important thing of it all: ”Try keeping your mind on the pressure I’m putting on your body. If you let your thoughts run, you’re going to miss the entire experience.” He’s right… in my mind I’m already writing the blog… I need to focus!

After removing my tampon and feeling a little anxious about bleeding on the white sheets, I’m left alone in the room with the massage couch. I undress and get comfortable on the couch lying on my stomach with a sheet over me. The couch has a heater in it and there’s soft, meditative music playing. I’m already pretty relaxed!

Bille enters the room and asks me if I’m comfortable “Very much so”. He then removes the sheet I have over me and varm towels are places all over my body. Every time Bille moves, he makes sure to let a hand on my body tell me where he is. Even though I’m relaxed, I keep recalling his words of “no running thoughts”… stop blogging!

Again the sheet is covering my body but removed from one of my legs. Warm oil is poured over me… it feels so very nice. Then the massage starts. First on my cap, then moving up to my thigh and here comes the first thing that makes this a full body massage… literally. Bille’s hands massage my inner thigh all the way up which means that he actually touches my outer labia. It feels great and I ignore the thoughts of “shouldn’t this be a lover’s job…?”.

Then it’s time for my buttocks to be massaged, and my butt hole is not going to be left out. Bille only slides his hands over it, but it’s such an underestimated place to be touched and I’m even more relaxed… still, there are thoughts that need to be ignored!

My back, my arms, and my fingers are next and get covered in the warm oil. Then comes the hardest part which is turning my body so I’m on my back. I get a blanket under my head and yes thank you, I’m very comfortable.

Now on my back the sheet is folded down and exposes my Venus. I get a little concerned about having my breasts massaged since that’s normally my “Okay, I’m turned on now”-button. But I forget all about that when Bille starts on my stomach. So many, so very receptive parts around my hips and lower stomach. Afterwards the breast massage is just pleasurable.

The front of my legs is massaged and the sheet is on again. Bille asks me if I want to continue. Yes, please. He starts on my stomach and then moves down. I actually think that he’s going to go straight for massaging my vagina, but no. I think: “Oh, he’s lost”… but no, not really. He uses his thumb and index finger to massage my outer labia, then my inner. I don’t feel turned on, though it’s a nice spot for a massage… but then comes the massaging of my vagina… and yes, now I’m turned on.

Or maybe ‘turned on’ isn’t the word. It’s another kind of turned on than had I been with a guy and intercourse had been coming. I have to say that Bille knows his spots, and yes, I’m overly relaxed and sensitive. An orgasm is making its way through right away…

And then the thoughts come. So does this mean that I’m paying this very friendly man to make me come? I can’t help but think that this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to prostitution!? The approaching orgasm vanishes in pure insult over being an accomplice… I decide that having an orgasm is not an option!

Bille – who has definitely felt something coming – tells me to breathe in deeply: “All the way to your stomach.” The fact, that I can tell from his voice that he’s not turned on, makes it all more legal… which is probably one of the reasons why the “orgasm is not an option” is not an option. Too many nice spots are massaged here!

I come in the most relaxed orgasm I’ve ever had. It’s not a through the roof orgasm, but my entire body is in it and no tension has been building this up! Betty would be proud! Then suddenly I find it all very comic… just having come out loud in the company of a complete stranger (well…). I start laughing out loud which then instantly turns into tears!? I’m so relaxed and so touched (oh yes..) that tears start pouring out of my eyes and into the blindfold. My first crygasm!!

I instantly think of Mariza Black in the latest Bodysex Group! I couldn’t stop crying when she had her crygasm! Bille puts a hand on my upper chest and that’s just what I need. I put my hands on his and slowly the tears stop.

Then I get to relax a little longer by myself and take my time finding my way out of the room. Taking off the wet blindfold, I’m blinded by the dim lights. I breathe in and smile… what a trip!

Afterwards Bille and I sit down again to talk, and I’m told to drink a lot of water and expect a reaction from this during the next couple of days. It can be anything from crying to being more energetic, having great sex or leaving your boy/girlfriend…

I thank Bille and head out the door with a smile, but as I get on my bike and take off, the so very twisted feeling of guilt and shame appears… a feeling that I rarely meet anymore. I forgive myself since after all I’ve compared this to an odd form of prostitution… the closest I’ll ever get to paying for sex…

Still, the feeling sticks with me and it stays there… until I have to pee. As I sit down and relax, the feeling of satisfaction and truly being relaxed is so overwhelming that my shame vanishes…

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The Genius of the Menstrual Cup

I had totally forgotten that I had one in the back of my messy drawer – a menstrual cup. I would have left it in my drawer if it hadn’t been for an article in the Danish newspaper, Politiken, with the headline: Menstrual Cups are So Genius that You Won’t Believe It.

I read the article and took it as a hint since I actually have my period right now. Into the drawer after the cup, into the bathroom and (typically me) without reading any instructions I tried to insert the cup… which was kind of painful until I told myself to relax and got it up there. And are you kidding me I couldn’t feel it at all…it was so comfortable.

Then afterwards I read the instructions and found out that you don’t need to worry about the little “string” at the bottom of the cup. It’s not a funnel with a hole through it; the “string” is for pulling the cup out (of course). Another thing was how to insert the cup. You’re supposed to press the cup together like a “c” and then insert it. I guess it’s different from woman to woman what works the best, but in my case if I press it together too much it’s not going to be comfortable.

There are so many advantages from using this cup:

– there’s no bleeding through your clothes; the cup won’t let anything through – unless you “flood it” (just remember to empty it and pop it back in on heavy days)

– there are no allergy alerts because the cup is made of silicone.

– I read a blog stating that women who are likely to get the yeast infection from using tampons have to worry no more when using the cup

– the last and very important thing is the environmental advantage. Tampons and sanitary towels create a whole lot of trash and women still have a tendency to through these things into the toilet and block it.

So yes, it’s genius. I highly recommend it because I love mine.

_______________________________________

Liberating Female Sexuality the Ugandan Way

I watched a great documentary tonight: Sexy Uganda, made by the Dutch woman, Sunny Bergman.

The documentary starts out in Holland where Bergman is inspired by a group of Ugandan women who talk about sex education. One of the first scenes is this big black Ugandan woman who is describing how she has sex with her man. One of the women says, “Show us”, and the woman gets on the floor and starts showing how she moves while having sex. Great! You’d never get a Danish woman to do a sex dance on the floor. Especially not with cameras rolling and a whole group of people watching! I loved it!

So Bergman goes to Uganda to see what makes these women so liberated about their sexuality.

I have to tell you right away that in Uganda women pull their inner labia to make them longer! No, I didn’t misspell anything or get it wrong, women are taught to pull their inner labia, because the bigger the labia, the bigger the pleasure! I wish I could have watched this documentary with Betty and Carlin; Betty would have been jumping around the room.

ugandaIn Uganda having sex, or more exactly having great sex, is a concern to the whole family. It’s actually shameful to the family if the couple’s sex life isn’t working. That’s why the woman gets a sex educator who traditionally is the woman’s father’s sister… She’s called “Ssenga” and is suppose to educate the woman about pulling her labia and having sex with her man. It’s not only the women who have an educator; the men are educated by an uncle whom they call “Kojja”.

Bergman meets up with a professional Ssenga who tells Bergman about having sex. How you roll your hips and lift your butt to orgasm. The Ssenga also takes a look at Bergman’s labia and of course Bergman really needs to start pulling her inner lips. Bergman tells the Ssenga how some Western women have their labia cut off. I loved the look on the Ssenga’s face when she asked: “Why?”

Another thing the Ssenga tells Bergman is how friends can pull each other’s labia. However, it’s okay to get wet and even to orgasm, but you can only pull the labia. No fingering each other or anything like that. Unfortunately the limiting comes from homosexuality being a huge taboo in Uganda. It’s even discussed whether there should be a law that allows execution of homosexuals.

And here comes the saddest part. White missionaries brought this to Uganda. Before they came, nobody said anything about same sex relationships. Two men living together could even be considered holy men.

White men or not, some of the women tell Bergman about going to Catholic School. Even putting religion down on the Ugandans couldn’t prevent tradition. The women explain how the nuns at the school pulled the girls’ labia and how these young girls found this so pleasurable that they would ask for more.

So what’s my point of posting this?

It’s so important to know that our Western ways are not the only way. When it comes to sexuality we’ve f’ed so much, and we keep on feeding it. In all other aspects of life we ask for variation, color, nuance, originality… so where did this stereotype of a sexual person come from? Even in my liberated little country, Denmark, our young people don’t know the most elementary things when it comes to sex, but they know what tea-bagging is…I rest my case…to go stretch my inner labia.

_______________________

My Bodysex Group for One

I had a session with Betty Tuesday. So Great! Most of all because I got to see ”the real Betty”. Betty was definitely in her element.

Stepping into Betty’s hall felt like I’m stepping into the history of her life. One of my assignments here has been to copy edit Betty’s Memoir, so I feel like I know a big part of Betty’s history really well, pretty much by heart. Betty thinks it’s so funny that she can’t tell me anything without me coming up with a reference to the book. I almost went crazy over it at one point, but now My Romantic Love Wars is done and online.

bodysex for oneEverybody should read Betty’s memoir. What a life this woman has had…still has…she’s going on 83 but Betty doesn’t walk…she marches with her back straight…and still she doesn’t understand why nobody’s asking to help an old lady. What old lady?

Where was I? So it’s something special to be in Betty’s apartment. Just standing in the hall looking at the 15 hooks on the wall where the participants of who knows how many bodysex groups hung their clothes before they stepped into the living room in the nude is exhilarating.

To make room for the bodysex groups, Betty emptied her living room back in the mid 70s. There’s lots of space in the room, but Tuesday a massage table was put up in the middle of it, and a big towel was spread out on the floor and pillows were put up for back comfort. On a tray next to the towel were several vibrators, LOTS OF LUBE, napkins and of course the must-have, Betty’s Barbell. I didn’t feel nervous, but I sure did feel excited!

After having chatted a little, Betty told me to take off my clothes and put on a sweatshirt and socks that were put out for me. So there I was in sweatshirt and socks and nothing else. Time for “The Genital Show and Tell”. YAY! I sat down on the towel next to Betty and put one leg over her leg and spread the other one to the side. Then Betty placed the lamp in front of my vulva and then the makeup mirror. Ooooh… I’ve looked at my vulva lots of times and have no complaints, but I have to admit that I never did it with both hands free. You have to do that. Betty’s right. Having both your hands free to touch and move your labia around is great. I actually felt like I was looking at my vulva for the first time.

Betty explained that the genital show and tell is probably the most healing part of the entire session. It’s horrible how many women out there walk around thinking they are deformed, that something’s wrong between their legs. Before coming to New York, I volunteered at a chat for teenage girls in Denmark. Too many teenage girls think that something’s wrong with their vulvas. I remember one girl who kept telling me how everybody commented on how beautiful she was, but she felt so much shame about it because she was so ugly between her legs, and if they had known that, they would never have told her she was beautiful. It makes me so sad that a young girl’s self-esteem has to suffer for no reason.

Back on the towel, I was shown how to do a vulva massage and how to strengthen and work my pelvic floor muscle. “Squeeze release, squeeze release…” I was also given an overview of all the things between my legs, inside and outside, with drawings of the inside. Did you know that women actually have two sponges (the urethral and the perineum)? Why haven’t I seen a drawing with those two sponges before?

I had to know what style I was, and Betty told me that I have a classical vulva. Also we decided to call it Little Kat until something better came along. It was really a nice experience and I can (totally) see how that is liberating to a woman who feels shame about her genitals. Love it love it!

After the genital show and tell I went up on the massage table. Betty’s so nice. She really makes you feel relaxed and very beautiful, so I didn’t feel nervous even then. I started out with Betty’s Barbell and the Mystic Wand, doing the rock’n’roll technique. Betty found out fast that I’ve been arching my back and by that exposed my clit too much, so now I learned to place my feet firmly on the “ground” and NOT arch my back (that is going to take some getting used to). I loooooove the barbell, but I’m a holding-the-vibrator-low-on-my-clit-kind-of-girl, so the mystic wand is really too big.

Still, that was okay because we (I keep wanting to write we… because I feel like Betty and I were in it together… which we were) were practicing different things and I was rocking and squeezing and relaxing. Then I got the swiss vibrator, which was nice, but my head started spinning. Suddenly I really wanted to come. Like some teenage girl who really wants to come for her boyfriend, I suddenly really wanted to come for Betty. She said that we had been on my clit for so long that it was numb. She reminded my that this was not a race – that I needed to enjoy the good feelings rocking and vibrating were giving me. I do know that…and still, I really wanted to come.

After a while, Betty gave me what I needed. The HITACHI OMG!!!! I actually had the chance to try it once before, but I was sure it would be too powerful, so I chose the Mystic Wand instead. No no no…every woman has to have the Hitachi. Those were by far the best vibrations I’ve ever had. So finally after 3 hours of genital show and tell, vulva massage, pelvic muscle exercises, rock’n’rolling, the barbell and three different vibrators… I came in the longest lasting orgasm of my life. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. I thought I was going to go through the roof!!

Afterwards Betty took me through all my chakras and said some very important things to me that I’m determined to follow. I won’t tell you what is was… you’ll have to get your own session with your own words of wisdom.

Before the session, I actually thought I was getting a yeast infection. I have a feeling that I wasn’t nervous, but my pussy was…!? I asked Carlin what to do because that wouldn’t be all that nice for Betty. Carlin wrote me: “I don’t think there’s a pussy in the world that would offend her”… she was right and Betty actually seemed a little disappointed when it turned out that nothing was wrong… okay, maybe not.

One thing is for sure, though. Betty knows a whole lot about women and their sexuality. I can’t help but think that there are things she knows about me that I don’t even know myself.

I learned a whole lot of things about me, my body, my vulva, and my orgasms. I had a HUGH orgasm that left me satisfied between my legs like never before… I’m not kidding. I felt so peaceful afterwards that I floated out the door and down the street.

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