tantric massage

Three months ago I told Carlin that I had bought two and a half hours of tantric massage, and I was going to blog about it. There were no available times until October so of course I forgot.

Until two days ago… when I had just gotten my period… great!

I try phoning the place but can’t get through. I end up going as scheduled, hoping he’ll go through with it, since the days of my period make me even more sexually responsive. The “he” in this little story is Bille, the owner of the clinic I’m in. He is fine with it as long as I’m not at the top of my bleeding.

We sit down and talk a little about what a tantra massage is, and why I’ve come. He reassures me that there’s nothing to be nervous about, that it’s very normal to have butterflies and I just need to try to relax. Suddenly I feel a little abnormal for not having butterflies in my stomach… Then Bille tells me the most important thing of it all: ”Try keeping your mind on the pressure I’m putting on your body. If you let your thoughts run, you’re going to miss the entire experience.” He’s right… in my mind I’m already writing the blog… I need to focus!

After removing my tampon and feeling a little anxious about bleeding on the white sheets, I’m left alone in the room with the massage couch. I undress and get comfortable on the couch lying on my stomach with a sheet over me. The couch has a heater in it and there’s soft, meditative music playing. I’m already pretty relaxed!

Bille enters the room and asks me if I’m comfortable “Very much so”. He then removes the sheet I have over me and varm towels are places all over my body. Every time Bille moves, he makes sure to let a hand on my body tell me where he is. Even though I’m relaxed, I keep recalling his words of “no running thoughts”… stop blogging!

Again the sheet is covering my body but removed from one of my legs. Warm oil is poured over me… it feels so very nice. Then the massage starts. First on my cap, then moving up to my thigh and here comes the first thing that makes this a full body massage… literally. Bille’s hands massage my inner thigh all the way up which means that he actually touches my outer labia. It feels great and I ignore the thoughts of “shouldn’t this be a lover’s job…?”. 

Then it’s time for my buttocks to be massaged, and my butt hole is not going to be left out. Bille only slides his hands over it, but it’s such an underestimated place to be touched and I’m even more relaxed… still, there are thoughts that need to be ignored!

My back, my arms, and my fingers are next and get covered in the warm oil. Then comes the hardest part which is turning my body so I’m on my back. I get a blanket under my head and yes thank you, I’m very comfortable. 

Now on my back the sheet is folded down and exposes my Venus. I get a little concerned about having my breasts massaged since that’s normally my “Okay, I’m turned on now”-button. But I forget all about that when Bille starts on my stomach. So many, so very receptive parts around my hips and lower stomach. Afterwards the breast massage is just pleasurable.

The front of my legs is massaged and the sheet is on again. Bille asks me if I want to continue. Yes, please. He starts on my stomach and then moves down. I actually think that he’s going to go straight for massaging my vagina, but no. I think: “Oh, he’s lost”… but no, not really. He uses his thumb and index finger to massage my outer labia, then my inner. I don’t feel turned on, though it’s a nice spot for a massage… but then comes the massaging of my vagina… and yes, now I’m turned on. 

Or maybe ‘turned on’ isn’t the word. It’s another kind of turned on than had I been with a guy and intercourse had been coming. I have to say that Bille knows his spots, and yes, I’m overly relaxed and sensitive. An orgasm is making its way through right away…

And then the thoughts come. So does this mean that I’m paying this very friendly man to make me come? I can’t help but think that this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to prostitution!? The approaching orgasm vanishes in pure insult over being an accomplice… I decide that having an orgasm is not an option!

Bille – who has definitely felt something coming – tells me to breathe in deeply: “All the way to your stomach.” The fact, that I can tell from his voice that he’s not turned on, makes it all more legal… which is probably one of the reasons why the “orgasm is not an option” is not an option. Too many nice spots are massaged here!

I come in the most relaxed orgasm I’ve ever had. It’s not a through the roof orgasm, but my entire body is in it and no tension has been building this up! Betty would be proud! Then suddenly I find it all very comic… just having come out loud in the company of a complete stranger (well…). I start laughing out loud which then instantly turns into tears!? I’m so relaxed and so touched (oh yes..) that tears start pouring out of my eyes and into the blindfold. My first crygasm!! 

I instantly think of Mariza Black in the latest Bodysex Group! I couldn’t stop crying when she had her crygasm! Bille puts a hand on my upper chest and that’s just what I need. I put my hands on his and slowly the tears stop.

Then I get to relax a little longer by myself and take my time finding my way out of the room. Taking off the wet blindfold, I’m blinded by the dim lights. I breathe in and smile… what a trip!

Afterwards Bille and I sit down again to talk, and I’m told to drink a lot of water and expect a reaction from this during the next couple of days. It can be anything from crying to being more energetic, having great sex or leaving your boy/girlfriend…

I thank Bille and head out the door with a smile, but as I get on my bike and take off, the so very twisted feeling of guilt and shame appears… a feeling that I rarely meet anymore. I forgive myself since after all I’ve compared this to an odd form of prostitution… the closest I’ll ever get to paying for sex…

Still, the feeling sticks with me and it stays there… until I have to pee. As I sit down and relax, the feeling of satisfaction and truly being relaxed is so overwhelming that my shame vanishes…